Crossing Some Finish Lines
A few years ago I never would have even pictured myself where I’m at right now. It probably would have seemed like this tiny speck of hope that maybe one day I could walk into a clothing store and not have to go straight for the plus size section, that I could wear knee-high boots, that I could fit one-size-fits-all bangle bracelets over my hands.
I never would have envisioned myself an entire shoe size smaller, over 10 inches smaller in the waist, wearing short shorts or dresses without tights/leggings underneath… wearing a bikini.
I guess because I see myself every day it becomes a little more difficult to fully recognize the progress I have been making, these long-term strides towards more personal goals. When I lived abroad in Florence, Italy, all I wanted was to buy gorgeous knee-high leather boots but I couldn’t because my legs were too fat and nothing fit over my calves. Every Autumn over the past four years I’ve tried on boots and held my breath while pulling up the zipper, awaiting disappointment yet again. I sort of gave up hope that these personal fashion goals of mine were silly - I danced a lot as a kid, played a lot of soccer, hiked… therefore I would always have big calves and I’ll never get to join the army of women in knee-high boots every autumn (a trend I have always been a fan of)
After 3 years of saying “this is the summer” - I finally wore a bikini this past summer. It took some getting used to, but it was quite the accomplishment.
Last night I strolled into DSW and the boots I fell in love with via their website were right there, waiting for me to try them on. I almost didn’t, but for the first time ever… they zipped up with ease.
I also, apparently, tried on a size four jean (thinking they were a six)… and they fit. They were definitely snug and I’m way more comfortable in the six, but the fact that I wore a size four last night… a FOUR. I remember being excited about putting on a size 12 and here I am just about squeezing into a size four skinny jean in Forever 21 of all places.
The past few months have resulted in a lot of surprising personal goals and I know it sounds weird but I sort of feel more like a woman now. Before all of this I’d have to go into a store and always hope they had an extra-large in something or a plus size section. My shopping was limited. Now I know I can stroll into any retail store and everything will fit me… clothes, boots, bracelets etc. I don’t have to b-line to a different section, I don’t have to deal with the constant disappointment of them not having a shirt I love in a larger size… and that feeling (as crazy materialist as it might sound because this whole thing is about shopping) is so difficult to explain but it feels phenomenal.
I feel like there are all these tiny finish lines for personal races I started years ago… and I’m finally starting to cross some of them. It feels good. And I’m really proud of not giving up on myself over the past few years because I can’t imagine where I’d be right now if I never made that lifestyle change or if I gave up. So as poor as I am right now, I bought the boots on my credit card as a pat on the back for making it this far. For getting up every single time I fall and pushing myself to keep going. For all of the times I broke through those personal walls. These boots are for that.
